*moving on is hard to do

Newly married twenty some odd years ago, my husband and I moved to the great state of North Carolina with orders in the US Army. The move was hard on our families, as we had the first grandchild in tow and we were packing up to drive 365 miles north. This move was the beginning of our family, it was what would shape and form who we are today.   We were unlike most military, not all, but most military families.  We would end up staying in Fayetteville for 22 (ish) years. We grew up there. We have roots there. We developed into the people we are today based on our lives there.   I mean, yes our parents had something to do with our upbringing which has a lot to do with who we are as well. 

I found a church fairly soon after moving to Fayetteville. I attended, loved it, but wasn't really involved for a number of years. This mostly due to my immaturity in many things, some of which are too personal to share.  I grew up "in" church, so none of what I was exposed to was new to me.  None of it was questioned in my thinking.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't operate in most of it as a mature Christian would, because I was not.  I am so very grateful to the people who will likely always look back on Manna Church as a place where special relationships were formed, developed and nurtured. For it was out of Manna that I met some of the best people on this side of Heaven.

I have dear friends who were only 5 miles away, who are now anywhere from 500 to 1000 to 1500 miles in different directions.  It makes getting together for tea a bit difficult.  I have to choose often to count my blessings, because I miss these ladies, their families and the community therein more than I can express. I have watched friends move over the years and since God showered me with so many great meaningful relationships, I always had someone there to help me grow, to help me straighten up a bit in the areas I was crooked, to - you know rub iron against iron.  I was so very blessed to have come in contact with some very special people who through God's leading helped shape and form me and my family into who we are today.  I want to say thanks to each of you, if you are reading you know who you are. Thanks. For in accepting my friendship, you chose to accept my good, bad and ugly and because of that I have become better in all my ways.  I miss you deeply, terribly, so much so that it hurts.

I totally understand why people who are hurting for one reason or another, saved or unsaved, throw themselves into a project of sorts. I mean all in!  It consumes idle time. It keeps your mind busy so your soul cannot rest. By default I have been busy with moving in, repairing things while Eric was in NC waiting, tilling and planting a huge garden and then the move of the reminder of our things plus Eric, harvesting the garden among a list of other things - whew! I did live through all of that!

The hard part about all of this is that I would love to have all my dearest friends here with me in this place. Sharing this life we are now privileged to be living. I love it here. I love that when you meet someone it is an assumption that you attend one of the churches nearby.  Its small town feel, its going to be great. One of my closest friends' daughter gave some wise words recently: you cannot replace the friendships from NC that you so dearly cherish  and treasure with new ladies. So true! Those relationships were for a time. They were predestined to help shape and form me into who I am now. You wont need those same kinds of friendships or relationships. I am not saying that I don't believe that we will not need close, deep friendships  because we will. But I grew up with and alongside women and shared things I will not share with people at this point in my life. I just wish we could go back to the times when the roads weren't even trails that had been blazed yet. Perhaps even a time when we still had, well I was gonna say horse and wagon because you can't get too far in those to fast and moving so far away might have been frowned against. I , however, do not want to do without my air conditioner because I am spoiled.  

Moving on is hard to do and sometimes I put my heels down when I shouldn't. I am pulling my heels up because I know that I am still with flaws, I am still in need of some sharpening, some refining and I know that God has some of His special Floridians picked out to be a part of this chapter in my story. I also believe that God wants me to be a blessing to those in my community as well, I will have a part in some other people's stories here too.  While moving on is hard, I will continue to grow in my NC born friendships and start to germinate some new ones here for now.